Small penises have feelings too.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
