we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
