So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
