I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
