i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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