Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
a search helicopter?!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
