He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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