Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
