The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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