my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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