You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
