pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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