dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
