you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
