is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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