The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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