I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
