mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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