Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im calling her cock vulture from now on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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