The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize