dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize