I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
