Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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