My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
