If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
