i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
