I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
