those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
