the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
