just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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