Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
