im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
