we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
