Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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