Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
