just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
