woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
