is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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