I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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