He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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