i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize