omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
