there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
