Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
