Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
