the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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