if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
