Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
