We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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