My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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