need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
