My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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