I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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