then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
