He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
