I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
