Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
