YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
