i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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