some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize