I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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