i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize