No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
