Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize