Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
they need to just BURY HIM!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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